The truth about love
by Cecilia Cassarah
Summary: When the world as you know ceases to exist and fear creeps up your neck until you can't breathe, those you have learned to trust and love, leave you bleeding on the ground and turn their back on you and you're denied the right to know why, you don't have much of a choice than blame yourself and hate your very existence; but little do you know that the truth could be much worse.
1. Chapter 1:When she gets furious

**Here's the story of Leah, her resurrection after the heartbreak and how she finds love again. I have a lot planned for this story, and I can't wait to post it. *excited like a pup* M for language, for now.**

**Summary:**

When the world as you know ceases to exist and fear creeps up your neck until you can't breathe, those you have learned to trust and love, leave you bleeding on the ground and turn their back on you and you're denied the right to know why, you don't have much of a choice than blame yourself and hate your very existence; but little do you know that knowing the truth could be much worse than being left in the darkness of ignorance.

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_The truth about love is it's blood, and it's guts__  
__Purebreds and mutts__  
__Sandwiches without the crust__  
__It takes your breath, cause it leaves a scar__  
__But those untouched never got never got very far__  
__It's rage and it's hate__  
__And a sick twist of fate__  
__And that's the truth about love_

_-The truth about love, Pink_

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**Chapter 1: When she gets furious**

67 _fucking_ days have passed since that day.

The day when I learned that I was an utter fool and love is nothing but a death trap that engulfs anybody that is foolish enough to step into it.

The day Sam _fucking_ Uley left me and started his blissful life with Emily _fucking_ Young.

The said Sam and Emily once used to be my boyfriend/almost fiancé and cousin/best friend but not anymore. They are nothing more than a memory now; they are in the past and buried.

The funny thing is I didn't ask for any of this; Sam asked me out first, he followed me like a lost pup until I'd say yes, he confessed his love first and at last dumped in the pouring rain so he could date my cousin Emily. Well, at least dramatic effect of the pouring rain wasn't his fault; if he'd waited for a sunny day to break up with me, he'd have had to wait forever in this fucking town, where you can count the sunny days of a year with your fingers.

Emily was family. She was the closest thing I had to a sister and every time I think about how she had agreed to be Sam's girlfriend, my blood boils with agony that only revenge could quench.

She didn't agree right away to date Sam though. She resisted -or so it seemed- to Sam's incessant pleading and begging to accept him. It seemed pathetic of him, in contrast to the Sam I knew; Sam who was stubborn and had a backbone.

But then one day she got attacked by a bear and hospitalized, the next thing I know is that the whole town's whispering about how Emily and Sam are an item. If only I could find that _fucking_ bear….

Like how every gossip is sewed with a bunch of lies to hold enough attention, they were rumors that Emily and I had a fight and this relationship was a payback. But my family knew very well that wasn't the case.

Emily and I never fought. Not until I heard she agreed to be his girlfriend. Sam and I never fought before either. Well sometimes, may be over the remote or something as silly as that. So I guess he didn't dump me because of any feud that cropped up between me and him.

But Emily and Sam fought. When Emily was still my sister, every time she met Sam she fought with vigor I never knew she had, for breaking up with me over her. I was pretty proud of her for her temper. I felt loved when she stood up for me.

And one day she goes out of her way and agrees to be his girlfriend, leaving me heart broken and wretched.

Now here I am, driving to my home after work, very dull and gloomy as I have ever been.

A lot of aggression have been brewing in me lately that I am sometimes afraid that I might lose myself into this ocean of hatred.

I try to take my mind off the never-ending inner monologue/internal bitching of Sam and turn on the radio. I tune into random stations and caught my favorite song, which so happens to be fitting to my life right now.

_The truth about love comes at 3am_  
_You wake up fucked up and you grab a pen_  
_And you say to yourself_  
_I'm gonna figure it out, I'm gonna crack that code_  
_Gonna break it break it down_  
_I'm tired of all these questions_  
_And, now it's just annoying_  
_Cause, no one has the answer_  
_So I guess it's up to me_  
_To find the truth about love_  
_As it comes, and it goes_  
_A strange fascination with his lips and toes_  
_Morning breath, bedroom eyes on a smiling face_  
_Sheet marks rug burn, and a sugar glaze_  
_The shock and the awe that can eat you raw_  
_If the truth about love_

I sing along with chorus part and my voice fills in my small confinement of my Peugeot 308.

_I think it just may be perfect_  
_You're the person of my dreams_  
_I never ever ever ever been this happy_  
_But now something has changed_  
_And The Truth About Love is it's all a lie_  
_I thought you were the one, and I hate goodbyes_

I pulled over in front of my home and climbed the porch steps. As I reached the top one, I hear my parents fighting over something. It must be about me, as it has been so lately. _Another day in heaven,_ I think to myself.

"You CANNOT tell her Harry!" my mom screamed at my dad.

My dad, ever the patient one, replies calmly, "Rather us than anyone else, Sue"

_Oh this gotta be interesting. _

I open the door and confront them myself. Mom seems to be worried and dad, as though he is preparing himself to do something he had to, against his better judgement; the kind of look he had when he told me my dog Pebbles, died 3 and half years before.

"Leah", dad says.

"Dad, what's up? I heard your very enlightening conservation", I say with heavy sarcasm, more out of habit. "So please tell me what's going on?" I ask with exasperation dripping into my voice. This is not the first time they hold information back, `to spare my feelings', and this is not the first time I beg them to spit it out.

"Leah, honey" My dad calls and looks me in the eye for a few seconds, almost contemplating if he'd made the right choice. I lets out a long breathe and continues.

"Sam and Emily got engaged today"

And that was the final straw. I snapped and did something I'd forever regret.

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**I know you guys already know what happens next. Probably the first couple of chapters go according to the original story but later on my imagination takes over.**

**Please leave a review. **

**Love - Ceci **

**XOXO**


	2. Chapter 2: When she hits rock botton

**Here's the next chapter. It's a bit intense; you have been warned. You might cry I almost did. Almost.**

******And my favorite part: dedication. To Rachelalicexx and chinadoll381282001 for following and special thanks to chinadoll381282001 for favoriting my story. Yes favoriting is a correct word, I googled :D**

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_It's like I'm in this dirt, digging up old hurt  
Tried everything to get my mind off you, it won't work  
All it takes is one song on the you're right back on it  
Reminding me all over again how you fucking just brushed me off  
And left me so burnt, spent a lot of time trying to soul search  
Maybe I needed to grow up a little first  
Well, looks like I hit a growth spurt  
But I am coming for closure_

_-Bad guy, Eminem_

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**Chapter 2: When she hits rock bottom**

I closed my eyes, not able to bear the jolt of electricity that passed through my nerves. I felt like I am exploding from the center to the maximum range of elasticity of my muscles' capability. I felt a range of emotions swashing themselves together into a turbid mixture. I recognized anger the better out of all.

I felt some emotions foreign to me; exhaustion, confusion, familiarity, recognition and panic. They were very foreign like radiating from outside to me; I felt their presence but not inside me.

I panicked and leaped front and heard crashing sound.

I opened my eyes to look at the two pairs of eyes brimming with worry and sadness. They both were shocked and looked like they just witnessed their worst nightmare unfold in front of their eyes.

My surrounding was a mess.

I moved my hands to hold my father who seemed to have lost his balance and started to fall. To my surprise I saw grey paws.

I jumped in surprise and hit the ceiling!

My mind was a huge commotion to figure out what the fuck was going on.

I looked around and caught my reflection in one of our family pictures. I saw a grey-ish white wolf, size of a horse, reflected from part of the picture where I stood next to my baby brother.

Shit. That's me. I am a _fucking_ wolf!

I heard my mom shout my dad's name.

I snapped my head fast, to see him on the floor, looking at me like he betrayed me and take his last breathe…

His eyes stared right at me, lifeless.

The soul that danced in his eyes every time he saw me, was gone and I knew I just witnessed my dad go.

I was an emotional mess that I couldn't even place what I feel now; sorrow, misery, helplessness.

I thought I just hit rock bottom and loneliness was crushing me from all the sides.

But no, I was far from alone right now. I felt someone in my head if that was even possible.

I heard my brother call out my name standing in the door way, I turned around and saw him vibrating, wildly.

I, again, felt the foreign feeling that recognized was going on and worry seeped through me from outside.

I just don't know what the hell I am- or whoever it was in my head- was worrying about.

I didn't have to wait long to find out.

Seth, my baby brother, was exploding into a sandy brown wolf in our living room.

It was terrifying to watch the person you love going through what you knew as a terrible pain, that you experienced first hand just a few seconds ago.

Again the familiar feeling of helplessness was rushing back to me.

I just wish I could undo everything that happened for the last five minutes and go back to bitching about Sam.

I saw myself looking through Seth's eyes, in my mind. I was alarmed beyond humanly possible, judging by my brother's reaction I think he, too, had just seen himself through my eyes.

I turned to look at my mother, my only comfort, who could save me from myself now.

She was hugging my father and crying on the floor. When she saw I was asking for her, she came forward, shoulders straight, like trying to be strong for both of us. She wiped away the tears running down from my eyes and hugged me and motioned my brother to us.

I heard lot of voices in my head, in the background. I don't know what I have been through or what is going on but I do know that my life is never going to be the same, never.

I once read that to Jane Austen, life seemed but a quick succession of busy nothings. But my life though, is a quick succession of disasters.

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**I hope you liked the quote!**

**Again you know what happens next but I bet you wouldn't have heard like I'd written.**

**To me the best 3 R's are Read, Rejoice and Review! **

**Love- Ceci**

**XOXO**


	3. Chapter 3: When she learns the truth

**Here it is, the third chapter. This chapter is dedicated to brankel1 and Inosonal. Thanks for your reviews guys. One quick info: all my chapters will be in Leah's POV only. So I am not gonna bother to mention it. Flashbacks and synchronous events that happens elsewhere will be in italics.**

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_Did she lie in wait?_  
_Was I bait to pull you in?_  
_The thrill of the kill_  
_You feel is a sin_  
_I lay with the wolves_  
_Alone, it seems,_  
_I thought I was part of you_

_-She wolf, Sia_

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**Chapter 3: When she learns the truth**

I heard people telling me and my brother to calm down, if only i know how the fuck to do it.

I started replying to the voices, guessing if I am insane enough to hear voices I might as well talk with it.

"I just fucking lost my father, so no. I can't calm the fuck down."

"Lee-lee stay put. We're almost there." said a very well familiar voice.

No. This can't be who I think it is. I can only think of one person who would call me Lee-lee and that person is the last one I'd even want to see, let alone hear him in my head.

"Sam?" asked Seth. It seems like my brother too had recognized him.

"Yes, Seth. It's me. I am coming to get you. Be calm."

"Are you _fucking_ kidding me? What is this? This is by far the most elaborate way fate could have taken to torture me!" I was beyond angry now. And I am damn sure I would calm down only after some blood-spilling and bone-breaking.

I am NOT sharing mind with is insane. Him, in my head!

"How is this even possible?" I asked to myself. Or so I thought. But the fucking idiot took the liberty to answer it.

"Lee-lee, our legend. It's true. Everything is true." he said and started to show me images of him transforming the first time and running around the forest not knowing what to do.

I felt how scared he was back then and almost had the urge to go and hug to assure him everything is alright- almost.

He then showed how he transformed back and met me afterwards but still kept distance to protect me. But he couldn't help himself and let the images of him seeing Emily for the first time slip. I felt adoration he had for her and fury lapsed on the inside of my skin like tapping my skin to let out.

Just then I heard bushes' dry leaves shaking and ran outside with my brother hot on my tail.

Three wolves stood there eyeing us very closely.

They should be.

I charged at the big black with as much force I can muster telling him to leave the fuck alone.

"I can't lee-lee. I-" he was stopped mid-sentence with my teeth plunging into his skin.

He cried out a bit and shook me off him.

Damn I was puny compared to him, but I ain't backing down without a fight.

"Call me lee-lee one more time Sam and you'd regret that forever" I threatened him.

To my surprise, he listened to it. He never listened to me actually while we were together and I liked that - I stopped my thoughts knowing I am not alone, even in my own fucking head!

"Look Leah we are here to help you. Okay? You have got to get back to your mother now and we are here to help you both do that." He explained cautiously, probably expecting another tantrum from me. Well, you know me. I'd never disappoint.

"Help me? Fuck you Sam. You have done enough already." I showed him the images of the shit I went through the past 67 days, just to show him how much of low life he is. And it worked wonderfully.

He lowered his head almost to ground, closing his eyes, trying to make it stop.

Bitch, I'd never stop.

The guilt was weighing down on him. I could feel it, but hey, serves him right.

However my innocent brother should not have to see any of this. Damn I completely forgot there was company.

He too saw the images and was on the brink of breaking down. I stopped them abruptly and went to my brother and he nuzzled my neck like hugging the pain off.

This gave Sam enough time to recover and starting talking again.

"Leah, I understand you wouldn't need me now."

"No shit Sherlock" I said bitterly.

"But Paul and Jared standing here would take turns to help you out. They'll make you calm down." Sam said

I could feel him wanting say something else but thought better of it.

He turned and left without another word.

"You take the first shift" I heard one wolf talk to another and walking off, not waiting for any reply.

"Paul get your ass back here…." But the said Paul was already out of the mind link, if you could call it that.

"So…" Jared, I think, said searching where to start.

"Guess we could start by telling you why you are a wolf right now?"

"Ya think" I said at the same time as my brother said a "Hell yeah".

Ten fucking hours passed and Jared finally told us everything there is to know about the legend of shape-shifters.

The reason for me being a damn wolf now, or even Sam in the first place was because of family of blood-suckers aka the cold ones moving back into Forks. The proximity triggered the change, just like it did the first time they moved to Forks.

Right, when I meet one of them I am going to rip it apart piece by piece.

"But you can't Leah." Jared so rudely interrupted my thoughts.

"They may be cold ones and our natural enemy, but we don't attack them unless they kill a human or if they ever dared to set foot on our territory." He explained.

Oh fucking great! What do I do with all this pent up aggression now?

Well from looks of it, I am stuck with Sam in my head. May be an occasional tongue-lashing would help then…

"You know, he really feels bad for what happened" Jared chimed in.

"Oh he feels bad! Well that makes all the pangs of losing your three-year-long love, go away" I said sarcastically.

Jared backed down, not wanting to tempt me into a fight. Seth was really quite all along.

Paul's turn came and he was a prick, which didn't help one bit. After a couple of ugly fights, with me of course- Seth was too nice to tell him to shut the hell up, Paul decided to phase back and Jared once again became my home girl.

"Don't call me that" Jared said with a disgusted face. With him in his wolf form and his face twisted by me calling him my home girl, it was really funny to watch and I can't help but laugh at it. It was first only a snicker but when Seth and later Jared joined in, we laughed out heart out which was exactly what I needed and before I knew it both me and Seth were in our human form.

Jared turned away quickly and leaped into the forest. Seth followed him, probably feeling awkward with me standing here butt naked.

I took cover behind a tree.

He came back with Seth, both of them wearing cut-off jeans. They looked similar but Seth had long hair and was shorter than Jared.

"I'll go and send mom" Seth told to the tree I'm hiding behind and went inside, to fetch mom, along with Jared.

Few minutes later I heard mom coming.

"Honey I am leaving your clothes here. Come back inside soon" Mom said, not a trace of anger in her voice.

Funny, I thought she'd be furious and blame me for what happened. I know I didn't ask any of this to happen, but the part I played in this disaster was too huge to go unnoticed. I mean the genes were probably the only factor to blame but it'd be just easier to blame me right?

After she left I wore the too-tight-for-me-now clothes and went inside.

Living room was cleaned up like nothing ever happened there.

Tears were threatening to fall. I didn't stop at the kitchen, where Seth, mom and Jared were waiting and ran up the stairs, yelling an 'I'll be right back' on my way. I came to my room, locked the door and dialed a number my fingers had very well remembered by now. As usual it directly went to voice mail.

"Sarah," my voice cracked as I called her for the hundredth time, not minding that none of them were returned. "I think I might have killed my father" I hung before the tears spilled.

They say friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.

I am hoping my only friend, though separated by thousands of miles, could soothe my pain. That is, if she bothers to call me back at all.

I fell on the bed and heard something crack. Well, I am too exhausted to go check it.

I stared at the ceiling and wondered what my life has come to.

I am the only she-wolf in the wolf pack led my ex-boyfriend who left me for my cousin and I so happen to be sharing my mind with that asshole, 2 of his best mates and my brother.

Coming to think of this werewolf shit, It filled in the gaps in my life-I mean, Sam left me for weeks because he suddenly bust into a wolf. That period was just a rehearsal for me that prepared me for what was coming, which I didn't know then. Then because of some werewolf magic he took one look at Emily and found his soul mate in her. And that bear attack, yeah that was bullshit. It is not that hard to put two and two together and I know for a fact that it was Sam who teared open my cousin's face. Well if not his begging, his guilt-talking got her to him.

But it created knew one gaps too. I am now the unwanted female company in the pack like a tattoo that you can't get rid of. I have to live with the fact that I was just a bait that the silly spirits upstairs used to bring Emily to Sam. Well, I almost had the urge to show my middle finger towards the sky.

Because unwanted, trouble-maker, bitch, call me what you want but I am me and people just gotta deal with that. I am not gonna bring any of this to bring me down.

I know it's not smart but I know what I wanted to do exactly.

Werewolf shit didn't make life any easier for me, so no one is gonna get it easy. Sam and his bitches are gonna hear from me every time they share mind with me.

If I were to stay sane, I am gonna have to get all my anger out in the open and clean my system.

Or in Shakespeare's way of telling it- My tongue will tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart concealing it will break.

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**Sarah is of my own creation. And you'll be seeing more of her in upcoming chapters.**

**I edited chap 2, just some errors is all. You could give it another look if ya want.**

**Love - Ceci **

**XOXO **


	4. Chapter 4: When she's afraid

_This isn't where I meant to lay down  
But you dug this grave  
Fits me perfectly_

_And if you're asking if I'm over love_  
_You're a fool to believe_  
_That you gave me some_

_-Black and blue, Christina Perri_

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**Chapter 4: When she's afraid**

I never feared getting out of bed and facing the day. Even when Sam broke up with me, I got up, dressed up, showed up and bitched about him the whole day.

But today I wish I could stay in bed. I don't wanna be there when my dad's lifeless body is lowered to the ground.

It's just too hard to say goodbye to him. And I feel myself starting to vibrate again. But no, I am never losing my temper again. I learned my lesson the first time. So I took deep breathes to calm myself.

I know he's gone, but burying him? I don't have the heart to do that. If anyone who knew me heard this, would probably be surprised that I have a heart but my dad is one of the few people I loved with everything I had. And burying him and walking away, leaving him alone in the graveyard- I don't think I can do that. I am just afraid I am gonna hug the tombstone and cry all day.

But you gotta do what you gotta do.

I jumped off the bed in one swift movement and headed to kitchen. There were people everywhere in my house, talking in the phone, consoling the weeping ones, eating, watching TV and honestly I felt like that boy Kevin in the first few minutes of home alone. I had to maneuver myself cautiously so that I won't knock out any old people by bumping into them.

I went to kitchen and made myself an orange juice. I remember yesterday after that little monologue in my room, I came here and had a long long conservation with my mom, brother and Jared. It was pretty much about how stuff works when you are a werewolf: you should never let your temper take over you because consequences could be disastrous( yeah I have a first hand knowledge of that), then there's this super-human hearing, solid strength, keen eyesight, higher body temperature like 108 degrees and that I must do my best to not have the slightest contact with human lest they'd start questioning about my feverish temperature, inhuman hunger and all of this should be kept a secret from all the humans. Phew.

My mom can know because she's in the council or something- you know like that Jedi in star wars. Oh, and Emily can know too, because of that magic bullshit. I have to remember to ask more about this to my mom later.

This day couldn't be any more gloomier, the skies were pouring, a storm was ahead and if I were a normal human I'd be shivering in cold even in my populated living room.

I couldn't help myself and finish the whole orange juice can and then went on to have some beagles that were already made in massive amount and were kept on our kitchen counter.

When I finished about half of the volume, my brother came downstairs with puffy eyes and bed hair.

And for the first time after many years, I felt something I have never felt for a long time: Fear. When I needed my dad he was always there and I never had to fear anything. I mean when I punched a guy who tried to kiss me in a play ground when I was eleven , my dad backed me up when my mom went furious on my ass. He took me fishing, he made me realize that simplest things in life are the ones that become memories in time, he was there my whole teenage; the age where you think you could handle everything, mess it up and would need both your parents but wouldn't ask for them though.

Who is gonna be there for Seth? I mean I ain't going anywhere but would that be enough for him? He's gonna need him sometime or the other right? What I am gonna do then?

I have never done this before but I went and gave him a good morning hug. He was stunned- damn even I was surprised that I did that- he smiled back and we both took seats near the kitchen counter and finished the remaining half of the beagles.

And the next thing I know is I'm in graveyard and my mom, my brother and at least a fifty people clad in black and carrying black umbrellas has gathered around my dad's tombstone to bid goodbye to him.

Tears were threatening to fall but we Clearwaters are stronger than that and not even one of us broke down in front of everybody.

The memorial was a drag because all I wanted to do was go back to my room and cry the hell out of my eyes. But it's not everyday you bury your father and say him goodbye, so I managed to push myself through the whole event.

When we got back home it was as quiet as the graveyard was.

All of us went to our room, probably to mourn in silence but that's just what today is about.

Tomorrow is a new day and I will distracted from this void in my heart where my love for my dad had been.

And I am not going to go about complaining about how bad my life is. Those who complain want to be pitied. I don't want to be pitied. I want to be strong.

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**Okay I know I am damn late in posting this chapter and I am terribly sorry for the delay. Please don't hate!**

**Next chap coming soon... Pinky promise!**

**-Ceci :-***


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